Topic
sentence: The man with the sign wants to campaign free hug and give free hug
for the other people
who wants hug from the man.
a) Major supporting sentence 1:
·
He
is walking around the street with holding the sign.
(He was walking around the street with holding the sign)
Minor
supporting sentence 1:1 there is no minor supporting sentence for this major
sentence.
b) Major supporting sentence 2:
·
At
the first, the people around the man don’t care about what the man do.
(At
first, people around the man didn’t care about what the man did)
·
They
just smiled as they passed the man.
·
And
then, a woman comes closer to the man and the man give free hug to the
woman.
·
The
other people who see that event wants to give free hug too.
c) Major supporting sentence 3:
· Some people who get the free hug
from the man also make a sign like what the man has.
Minor supporting sentence 3:
· They also give free hug to the other
people.
d) Major supporting sentence 4:
·
Unfortunately,
the police want to stop the campaign because the campaign is illegal
Minor
supporting sentence :
·
.
The police avoid the man and the other people to do their action.
e) Major supporting sentence 5:
·
After
the police tried to stop the campaign, they make a petition to reach their
target with collecting a signature from the other people who agree with free
hug campaign.
Minor supporting sentence 5:
·
They
get 10.000 signatures from the other people.
f) Major supporting sentence 6:
·
After
all, the police give them permission to do the campaign again.
Minor supporting sentence 6:
·
The
police also follow this campaign.
·
Some
reporters come to the man and they interview the man.
Concluding :
The point of view from this video is
we should respect each other without regard to the differences between us.
We should share what we feel, happy, sadness, laugh and anything. We also need
build the togetherness to each other. A hug is the shortest distance
between us!
Comment:
I think Jyoti’s paragraph is quiet good. The sentences structures and the organization
of Jyoti’s paragraph is quiet good. In
my opinion it would be better if Jyoti use Past Tense than Present Tense in her
writing, because she is comment about something that happened in the past. For
the grammar, I think there are some sentences that are strange, like in this
sentence “The
police avoid the man and the other people to do their action.“ She should be more careful
with her sentences. For this sentence “At the first, the people
around the man don’t care about what the man do.” I think it would be better if
you change the sentence become “At first, people around the man didn’t care
about what the man did.” I think that’s
all,
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